JAMMED

You think; you blink. You stink; you sink. (Read 'you' as I)


I think a more apt title to Just a minute, (also called JAM since your jaws get jammed making you sound like a cacophony of croaking crows in most part of the 'game') would be (do) I exist?! You need to concentrate on making sure you are visible. Shady sounds, filthy faces and arbit actions are all in the game.
I "played" it. Once. Game.
If you are a beginner, here are a few rules that might help you. (They didn't do much good to me though)
1. No matter what anyone utters, push the buzzer. They are out of context and irrelevant. Not to mention stupid. (Except when the moderator speaks. You might be too busy swearing at him to press the buzzer)
2. This one is dangerous: But you might want to try impressing the moderator. Mostly he's just an ass who doesn't laugh. (Ours actually said he'll give 10 points to anyone who makes him laugh and spent rest of the 'game' making weird noises trying to suppress a laugh)
3. You suck at the game. Accept the fact. And laugh your head off. Just to irritate the one sitting next to you by not letting him listen or think. (rg :P )

I think I should mention now what the topic of "discussion" was. "My grandfather smokes grass. My parents smoke grass. I smoke grass. We are a joint family".
No clue what that meant? Join the club! I mean. I'm sitting there, 'playing' JAM for the first time and the topic is this. I understood every word of it. I got smoke. I got grass. I just didn't get the connection. I spent all my time from the mention of the topic thinking of good starters.
"My grandfather fed me on grass.."
"I chew gum, churn grass, but smoke cigar"
"Smoke in the lawn implies grass burning .." (What the hell ?? )
It never really actually matters what you are saying as long as they are words. Any will do. You just need to say something and cross your fingers, praying that someone would press the damn buzzer and release you of what can only be described as pain. The topic, (thanks to rule 1) is obviously least important and it doesn't matter whether you understand or not).

Something, I don't remember exactly what, made me think my buzzer wasn't looking right sometime midway and I thought of testing it out. I pressed it with all my macho (read as Milo) might. I heaved a sigh of relief. Yaiii!! My buzzer was working! Apparently, when I was fooling around with the buzzer, a chap had just raised an objection and switched on the mike to speak.

"Speaker No 4!!"(that is me, by the way), the moderator's voice boomed, "What's your objection?" I smiled at him. (Rule 2 in action) Then I patiently took the mike. Shit! Rule 1 ruled out; that guy hadn't uttered a word. Left with rule 3, I said, "Late start, sir". Yes, my conscience pricked me as I said it. But the moderator bought my objection (I think it was the sir he bought more or maybe the smile ;) ) anyway he said, "Ok, Speaker No 4. You are on!"

My mind : Say something. Remember the starters you came up with. Shoot one of them.
Me : Er...
My mind :Ok. Topic is irrelevant. Tell the moderator your name.
Me : Er...
My mind : Open your (censored words) mouth...

I open my mouth. Words don't come out. I'll rephrase that. Words don't come out. The speaker gives me a dirty expression and continues with the next speaker.
After what seemed like hours, the guy next to me stammered. I screamed "AA haa!!" and yanked for the buzzer. By the time it was my turn to speak, I gathered that the topic had been changed (I had no idea what it was) . "You are on!" That idiot boo(m)ed at me again. I cleared my throat and yelled "I wanna hit you!"
At that moment, the minute had ended. (Just a "minute" remember?? )

Now the best part of JAM rules. An additional 20 points is given to the person who completes the minute irrespective of how much he has spoken. Just to commend his not being interrupted by objections.

All's well that ends well. What say? :P

YELP FOR HELP

Last night I was in ooty, taking its refuge from the scorching heat of Madras. It is really cool up there..Some place to relax your mind and breathe freely. No quizes to mug for, no profs to screw your system, no mess(y) food and no subtle classroom slumber. There was a gigantic bed, with a warm cosy mattress upon which yours truly curled around a soft cushion with my little head on a pillow that I snuggled into and clean cosy blankets made the icing on the cake.. (quite literally) :P

I was in a resonance tube. (It has water btw).. I was drowning in it.. I had to solve some problem and find out theeta. You would think my dreams would be more romantic, to say the least. I mean, given the circumstances described above you would rather be dreaming about something else. I mean the last thing you would want is to dream about resonance tube. Well, actually you'd want even less to be drowning. And trigonometry was never my cup of tea. Of all the... -frown- frown-frown-ponder-scratch head-think-dirty face-scratch head again- (I'm trying to get theeta)-complimentary angles?-The demon starts talking-SSS congruence-was it sss similarity? - hisssss-was that a snake??? -snakes hiss -snake??? SNAKE??? I get up with a jolt.

Something is wrong.. rub eyes.. look around... THE DOOR IS AJAR!!! Ok I'm not exactly a coward but I'm sure you'll understand this is not exactly good for my heart. The only noise I could hear was of my heart pounding.. I wished (too soon) that it wouldn't be so silent.. The deafening silence made my limbs crack but the sudden movement made it even worse. I would give anything to go back to theeta.. I grasped for the light by my bed .. (I'm not as stupid as I seem).. I scream. There is a limit to how much you can torture a poor kid before she starts screaming.

"SHUT UP!!!!!" he says. I shut up. I blink. I am actually taking instructions from a lizard!!!! Wait.. do lizards hiss? Apparently yes. Now I was getting angry.
"Did you open the door?" (Yes, I was takling to a lizard in the middle of the night, on my bed) It climbed on to me YUCK!!! "Wat the bloody.. What do u mean yuck?????" it screamed at me.. well, to be fair to it, noone likes to hear "Yuck" wen they touch someone.. fair enough.. "Sorry", I murmered.. "Wat do you want?"

"I want peace" it says to me. It takes all the effort from my side to keep myself from swearing. I was sleeping not so blissfully. But sleeping all the same. Cosily. This creature comes, wakes me up, and says it wants peace. Of all the...! I swallow and ask (politely) "What should I do?"
"Well", he says, " You were screaming in your sleep. And I couldn't sleep. Well the answer is 30."

"30??? " I ask, "What is 30?" It gives an exasperated nod and says "Theeta of course." I stare at him and then pluck him and throw him against the wall. He staggers to the ground. "Shut the door behind you" I yell after him.

I go back to sleep. I'm no longer in the resonance tube. I'm in the ocean and this time it's all the way from alpha to theeta that I have to solve. Everytime I manage to come up to the surface I'm gasping, looking for a particular lizard. Let me know if you find him, will you? I need to be grateful.